Archive for November, 2009

A Too Damned Saucy Five Dollar Footlong

November 27, 2009 Leave a comment

When I go to Subway, sometimes I get to spillin a whole lotta somethin in my lap.

Now, I don’t need to be eaten a whole footlong, but it’s only a dollar more than the six inch. I skip the chips and a drink cause I’m just crazy that way. So I deserve the footlong, you see.

And I’m gonna get everything on it cause that’s what I like and it don’t cost extra. So it’s gonna be huge by the time they’re done a make’in it and it’s gonna be hard to hold by the time I get to grabbin it.

So “How did it get so damned saucy?” you’re asken. Well, I like the light mayonnaise and the Southwestern Sauce. I can’t really control how much they put on. I mean, I want more than a little, but not a lot. I can’t stop’em from a squeezin if it gets to lookin like too much, you understand.

So then you’re asken, “Why don’t you lean over the damned table when you sit down to eat ya dinna?” Well, I do, but sometimes somethin gets to fallin, and then it just a keeps a rollin until it hits my lap. All I can do is hope there aint no sauce on it.

Categories: All Categories, Silly

My Critic Was a Cynic

November 27, 2009 Leave a comment

I own and operate a crock pot. I cook turkey sandwiches and banana shakes for lunch and dinner every day. My dishes are always the best at those pot luck celebrations. And this may sound conceited or perhaps even pompous, but I get invited to several pot luck dinners every year. So I know what I’m talking about.

I explained all of this to her and she still didn’t believe I was a talented cooker. She thought I was being cocky or perhaps even over-confident.

So when I heard that Thanksgiving was coming up this year, I jumped at the opportunity to make squash casserole. And it may sound like I’m boasting or perhaps even bragging, but my dish was the best in the whole house again. And it was the first time I ever made it. I’m not lying.

But one thing was different this time. My critic – her, was there to taste the stuff I cooked for her self, right there. And it was good. So if she’s reading this, I have a message for her to look at.

Ha! I told ya I could cook, didn’t I? You didn’t think I could. But now ya know I can, right? Told ya! Ha!

Categories: All Categories, Silly